Her Emotions

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock. Yes, it’s the sound of the clock ticking.  Each sound is a constant reminder that time is passing, and you should make the most of it.  Somehow, you are there, glued to your bed with your hands wrapped about your pillow. Nothing is of urgency to you. Nothing is important to you. Yes, you heard from a friend, “The bed only makes weak, but a step to getting something done stirs up strength and productivity is definite.” Well, it resonates with you but then, you don’t seem to get the motivation to get you up from the bed. All the while you’ve been on the bed, not even a wink of sleep could you get. This time you tried, but then, all you could do is creep back into your blanket. Why? Those memories came flashing back.   Memories from the past few years came back rushing like a flood.   Most times, you cried but this time, you just wallowed in those thoughts. Those thoughts are dark thoughts. You are traumatised. The only things those thou...

You are overwhelmed, no doubt about it. You just happen to have an intense dislike towards that particular person or group of people. Is it anger? Resentment? Bitterness? Sense of separation? Loss of empathy? It is all intensely packed in your heart towards that particular person or group of people. You keep getting fuelled with negative thoughts. Specifically, to scheme harm or hurt or revenge.   “I just don’t want you around!” , “you disgust me!”, “all men are the same!” , “why won’t something bad just happen to her?” , “I wish you would just disappear!” , “I will never forgive you!”, “you make me sick!” , “you’re a waste of space!” , “I will do whatever it takes to hurt you!”   You keep saying these words. Your mantra these words have become. They are eating you up, you do not just realise it. This feeling of hatred you have towards that person or a group of people is gradually turning you into who you are not. This feeling has completely taken away from you the ability to ...

 So yes, it's been a while, approximately 5 years or more it's been. You remember vividly what happened between you and that particular person on a particular day at a particular period of time. The memory is still so sharp in your mind, in fact you've promised yourself never to forget. It's that little emotion you have decided to accommodate in your mind even though it hurts so bad. We could call it "bad treasure." Well, your mind have now become room for anger, resentment, hate, emotional numbness (a sense of detachment), constant rumination of the past event, frustration and emotional pain. They wouldn't leave, trying to kick it out seemed impossible after several trials, so you gave up on trying to. In fact, you have concluded to keep your "bad treasure" and never let go. Little did you know that this "bad treasure" you have held on to has affected the person you are supposed to be. It has totally changed your being! Did you not see...

“What have I done?” , “why did I do that?” , “what will people think of me now?” , “how am I supposed to live with myself after doing that?” , “will I ever be forgiven?” , “am I worthy of forgiveness?” , “what was I thinking when I did that?” , “she really did not deserve what I did to her” , “definitely karma will catch   up with me.” These thoughts linger in your mind and with an expression of regret, you ask yourself these questions. You can not help but attribute fault to yourself for the mistake or harm you did to that particular person. To be honest, it was an unintended harm but then, the fact that the harm was done can not be neglected. Now you have subscribed to self-sabotage in the sense that you undermine your success and happiness. A moment of happiness is immediately dispersed in thin air, you say to yourself, “how can I even be happy after what I did?” Every attempt to try and let go as proved abortive. The scenario happened a long time ago but it is still fresh in yo...